BOO! Did I scare ya??
Read. Enjoy...muahaha
Em Tay
[071191] Fintona Girl's School
![Profile =]](http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i248/emilytay/IMG_2752.jpg)
More Blah Than Theory... More Theory Than Reason...
This is a nothing post.
My mood at the moment : Nothingness.I don't know what to feel. My thoughts are too hurried for me to pick one up and wave it around in front of my face for examination. I feel - anxious [about what? I have no clue] also feeling lazy (what's new?). all this is coupled with the feeling of guilt. Done some pretty dumb things lately. Said some pretty stupid things. The thing is; I am feeling so confused and anxiuous and hasted because there are things that I would usually turn around and say "I'm sorry" for that now I am debating. I don't want to live this life of giving away my soul to me moulded by friends who can't accept who I really am. But who am I, really? And is this phase of me not acknowledging when I'm wrong just a sudden wave of self-ego that I desperately need to shove off.? Don't get me wrong, I have always been a supporter of admitting defeat if it means keeping the peace, and certainly I like to think that I am big enough to say sorry for things that I know I am in the wrong for. Often too, I am the one who takes the blame when something is getting way out of hand.
But something that really bugs me is when the act of apologizing - after all the effort, the shame and downright pain it takes at times to say it- Is just dissed away. The other side of the fence has been begging for your understanding, when that is given, no appreciation. So you go one step further, to keep a friendship, to save another friend from the pain you have suffered, you oversee the lack of empathy for your efforts and put in a little more. You say sorry. Apologizing for a deed that you didn't do. Because obviously they are never going to try and undertsand your situation. But what if even that is not acknowledged? The whole deal is forgotten about, which is the next best thing. And maybe, with some time, it'll all just float on by. Without a second glance, and things may just go back to the way they used to be. But the other party just doesn't seem to ever want you to forget. They bring it up again. Blaming you again. this time, they take it out on your friends too. The ones you fought so hard to protect. It really was a watse of effort. Where did all that pain go? nowhere. Instead, the situation is back in the open. and you're expected to do the impossible. To change the past and make it better. This hole is getting deeper.
I guess that doesn't make sense to anyone but me why I am being such a dick lately. In short, I can't be screwed sacrificing myself and giving away acts of apology and sympathy for not even a glimpse of appreciation in return. This spinning wheel is turning backwards and the more pain I put in, the more pain it gives back.
posted by EmTay at
11:12 PM
If you've stumbled across this site don't go without saying hi
Gimme aHOY. spread some JOY =]
links...blinks...thinks...
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
January 2010
My list of LISTS
..because everything's better in dot point form
1.The Hush Sound- We Intertwined
This song and *Wine Red* are GOLD
2.Lior- Daniel
*sigh*
3.Tegan & Sara - Where did the Good Go
Snatched this song off the Grey's Soundtrack and i am in LOVE with it! serioulsy, can't get enough of it
4.Joshua Radin - Sky
Another grey's song. i love love love it
5.The Magic Numbers - Morning Eleven
*You're in denial...* - story of my life!. anyway, I like the song, it's HAPPY-- chappy.
6.The Fratellis - Babydoll
This is the song that wakes me up at 7:15 every morning. Its my phone alarm coz it makes me happy to be alive each morn! =)"
7.One Republic - Come Home
My Fav from 'Dreaming Out Loud', only just though.
8.Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. - Lighthouse Keeper
If I had a band, Id want it to have a name like this. Makes me smile whenever I read/hear it =). Anyway, the song is great. as are all the others. I love the guitar part. Although my attempts at it sound rather shiaat compared.
9.Theory Of Value - Picture Perfect
I figured I'd better give this band some creds. Go the Adelaide new guys. I snitched the song from Triple J's 'Unearthed' competition - go check it out! awesomee
10.Modest Mouse - Float On
*I backed my car into a HOOKER the other day~!*. Man, I wish my voice was as retarded as Modest Mouse's
1. Notting Hill
this had to be first up- not necessarily because it is the best of the list, but it was my first ever love affair with RomCom. Many endless summers have been spent watching Notting Hill a million times with the rents and sis
2. Juno
I don't know what it is about it. So weird, so wacky, so alternative. yet not typical. PLUS it has Jen Garner in it. enough said
3. Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
Wow. I hated the first hour while watching it (my expectations were completely thrown off). But something happened in the last 10 minutes of this movie [the twist perhaps] that saw it flying up to my list of best Movies ever watched.
4. Suddenly 30
I could watch this one hundred times (and have) and never get sick of it. the spontaneous Thiller dancing is a scene to be admired
5. Just Like Heaven
In the spirit of feel good movies ,and Mat Ruffalo movies I had to include this one. I had a miny obsession with Ruffalo after watching this (and suddenly 30). And then I saw his fingernails.
6. She's the Man
It's soccer. it's comedy. and It's Channing Tatum. enough said.
7. Breakfast At Tiffany's
There's absolutely nothing better than snuggling up with a warm mug of Hot choccie on a winter's day in front of some classic Audrey Hepburn
8. Zoolander
Possibly the most quoted comedy of the 21st century (along with the one below)
9. Dodgeball
10. there are plenty more, it feels wrong to close off the list with a tenth so i'm leaving it black =]
Parmesan Cheese & Granny Smiths.1
Slice the GSs into round slices (like bagel crisps) and dump a slice of Parmesan on top.Trust me, it's *MMMmmmmmmm*.
Blue Cheese & Berry Jam.2
YES, that's Blue cheese- as in the one with MOULD... well I didn't like the taste either until I ate it like this (try Raspberry jam on a cracker)
Camembert (or Brie) & pear.3
Or some other sweetish fuit (apricots work well too).
1 slice Plastic cheese + 1 English Muffin.4
... And you've just made yourself a Maccas Cheeseburger! (only way yummier and without the pickle)
Brie & Salmon/Caviar dip on water crackers.5
Don't use real caviar you dob, cheap fake stuff all the way!
Coon Tasty/Vintage & Jelly.6
That's Jelly as in *I love aeroplane jellyyy* not the American Jelly(Jam)
Cream Cheese & Mushrooms.7
put it on bread, on a biccie, in a salad...
Mozzarella & Chocolate Icecream .8
Homer Hudsons. *sighs*
Ricotta & Spinach & Olive Tapenade.9
On a pizza!
Mac & Cheese!.10
duh~!
1.EAT
2.Bake
(when there's no edible food to do the above)
3.Walk the Dogs
hey atleast it's exercising
4.Guitar
5.BLog
6.Blog stalk
7.Watch Friends/Grey's/GossipGirl
or any other available show/movie
8.Read
9.Beautify
10.Make Lists
hmmm
I'm short .1
I get weirded out by things being behind my neck .2
I can't sing in choirs. I hate it when people whisper in my ear. It just freaks me out
I DON'T like clowns .3
no... seriously... don't laugh...
Ignore me if I'm being lame .4
Okay so that one's not a fact but more of a warning. haha
I bite my nails.5
It's a habit! and I HAVE tried stopping... =/
My hair is brown .6
I put this fact in because for some reason it always provokes a *OMGSH Em your hair is BROWN!* when I step out into the sun, even from friends who've known me for years
I'm short sighted.7
I HATE it!If I look like I'm looking right at you then most likely you just look like a fuzz of colour to me
I sing in the shower .8
Music makes me HAPPY .9
I don't believe that ANYONE can be summed up in 10 dot points.10
But hey, here's a start
1.Celery
$500-2000: EEEEWWWWEEWWWEWEWW. just thinking of it makes me wanna rinse my mouth out
2.Durian
$200-300: You either love it or you hate it. unfortunately for me my whole family loves it.. and hence tries to force feed me every time. -dudes, it's not like i'm gonna grow into the taste!
3.Canned Bamboo
$50-200: (depending on the amount).
4.Chicken heart
$70-100: like the type you find in combination Pho- I refused $20 from my dad to eat it the other day (but that's coz i felt guilty for taking his money).
5.Blood Cubes
$20-100: Also a Random ingredient in Pho...WHY would anyone eat bloood unless they were a)RETARDED or b)a vampire!? .
and that's the end of the list folks! wow, I really can't think of anything else I wouldn't eat [except for the obvious dog shit, ear wax etc....] haha!
Preface note: obviously there are the classic perfect time wasting sites - Postsecret blog, FML, youtube, facebook and the lot. These are on the top of my list when in need of some good procrastinating material, but with true boredom comes the necessity for a list of web surfing material a tad longer than that. I'm constantly pickign the following from other sites, recommendations and magazines. so here goes.
1. 1000 awesome things
It's a site, that's updated every week, uses the word "awesome" liberally, reminds us of the absolute beauty of said "awesome" things such as the smell of rain on a hot sidewalk, repeditive sneezing and fresh underwear. it's like the opposite of fml. love it!
2. rotten tomatoes
By far the best in movie reviews. Be wary that they are particularly in favour of Indie and aternative films, classics and black humour, so if thats not your thing thentake note. Good thing that's exactly the sort of Friday night flick I'd put my feet up to
3. Paper Radio
Just found it today - not quite clear on what it is. Kind of curious to fnd out. Great design site too.
4. Picdit
Some pretty neat artsy things
5. Three Thousand
My numberone to go to when you need something to do next Saturday night. Updated everyweek. I subscribe to them so not to worry
6. The Disign Files
Hear this is a good place to waste your time. yet to have fully checked it out but from what i've seen so far it looks suave!
7.Etsy
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9.
10.